Four days ago, I posted on my various social media accounts an image of me working on a writing project on my computer. Today I am going to talk more about what I am doing and what that image was about. I have mentioned before on this blog that I am a writer, academic and poet - I do aspire to write a novel and that is in my brain, ready to be born much later. I have way too many current projects that I need to finish. On my screen that day I was building my ebook. I have already worked on a template of my first volume of poems through this Microsoft program I have. However, once that was done I was feeling like I was looking over this precipice and not knowing where to do from there. Today, while I was thinking about the post, I thought I would investigate this program to see what the options where for 'publishing' my work. And I immediately panicked. The 'export' feature lets me create a PDF that goes right out into the Web. My work would be out on the internet for all to see. Well, isn't that what I want? I want to publish, when you publish, people read your work. Yes, you relinquish the vast majority of control over your work at that point. However, the idea that my work being out there in that way seemed too much. In an odd way, it was less personal. It was more mechanical and really creepy. For some reason, having a blog, even though these are my thoughts, going out into the world, this seems personal. More than exporting my world and sending it out into the void that is the Internet.
Funnily enough, I went online for a free ebook builder and I found one and that is were my work is right now. That was the site in the image from my post and that is what I have been devoting a large chunk of my time doing. I realized through this process, that my business and all other creative projects that I am doing will always be there. I think I addressed the idea of pacing before, and taking your time with things. I think that when you are a self-employed artist/writer/academic there is this expectation that we have to prove that at every waking moment we are working, that we are creating. Even when we aren't actively creating for the purposes of selling, for the most of us, it is in the back of our minds. Are we proving our worth? Sometimes it hard to watch people your own age and younger having success in the chosen career path. They have a house and a car, they are married and have kids, they are publishing in journals and working at Universities. And you have to wonder, is the path I am on right now, the right one? I took all the same courses as that person, I was at the same school as they were. How come this happened to me, and that happened to them? I think there are always going to be those what if's in life. And I have come to the conclusion, that since, I think even definitely before we see the written word, there have always been artists, writers, creators. Some had patrons, and others didn't. I am one of those creators. There has to be the executives of the world, and there has to be artists in the world. That is reality, that is the world we live in; and have always lived in. So inclusion, today's rambling what me thinking about what it is like to be an artist and a writer. To put yourself out there and say "here world, read my work!". Not knowing what will happen or if anyone will even read it.
These poems that I write, are personal. As the title of today's blog suggests, they are the story of my life. I write down my experiences in the form of free flowing, stream of consciousness, and I never held back. I thought that these poems are my journal and now one will see them. Until one day, I thought, I have written all of this, what am I going to do with it? Do I have to do anything with it? Before I decide to put a book together, shouldn't I try submitting my work to journals. The same thought came to my mind as it does when it comes to my academic writing. It takes just as long to get your one piece of writing published as it does to get all of your writing together. Also, I have yet to find anywhere to publish my work that would accept very intense and personal writing. You might think, why do that? Why put something so personal out there? I do that every time I blog, I put a piece of myself out there. When I go out, my current bag, and well let's face every bag I own, has buttons and patches on it. I am putting myself out there. I am currently writing mini book reviews, I am putting myself out there. Every thing we do in life, we inevitably put ourselves out there. Putting a piece of our hearts, minds, souls out there into the world. I guess what I am saying is I am ...
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