This business isn't my only creative outlet. I truly believe, as an artistic business owner having something creative that I don't have to worry about selling or at least not yet, is really important to me. The other half of my creative side is a writer, academic and poet. I have longed to publish my endless volumes of poems, I have a full novel stuck in my head and I have an academic book kind of completed. When I started my business 3 years ago I was completely frightened at the prospect of having people see my work. I had been making jewellery since high school, giving the pieces as gifts, making things for myself, never once thinking about selling. Even though I really wanted to go to art school when I graduated high school, I was thinking that it would lead to a life as an art teacher. As
my academic life changed, and I finally settled on Women's and Gender Studies, Feminist research, Queer history and popular culture, I left my dreams of being an artist behind. This changed after realizing that after two academic degrees, I couldn't get a job, couldn't start my longed for career as an academic; I turned to my art work, specifically jewellery. I never thought that anyone would want my collages, again concerned about what people would think of my work. Throughout this back and forth between artist and academic, I have always struggled with asking for help, and always felt like an impostor. Even when opportunities come up, I have felt like I didn't deserve them or I could do this all by myself without any help. Some things I can do alone, and other things, I can't.
Throughout this business adventure I have accepted help from so many unlikely places and that's been great! However, when it comes to my writing, I have always felt like I haven't had any safety net. Getting grants or bursaries to get help with my business has been a struggle and, to date I haven't been successful. And when it comes to my writing, I haven't even tried, being too scared. I have the opportunity to apply as an Independent scholar, however this comes with an annual membership fee. As with everything, adding more items to my website, or getting access to writing help through writers groups, every option for help comes with a fee. You would think, okay then, get a job so that you can get money for all these fees. This would be great, if I could find a job that allows me to be physically disabled, have help to succeed at the job despite this, and given space to take my time to be ill when I am. Most jobs, don't or won't afford that, even when they say they will. Trust me, I have the experience of interviews for rental jobs, interviewees saying "oh yes, we will be accommodating" and then I never hear from them again. Finding a job that is more intellectual than physical would be ideal. However, this blog post isn't about me trying to justify why I am unemployed and not actively seeking employment yet. Yet being the key word. All of this lead up comes to the main point, how to be independent, and recognizing the times when you need to work with others. I have yet to be an expert in this, in fact I am closer to being a novice than an expert. What I do know is that even if you are publishing independently you still need a team of people to help you get your work out there. You can write an academic book, however eventually you will need to get your work peer reviewed. When you finish your degree, you aren't told what you need to do to survive the world as an independent researcher and writer. All the supports I have had to try and obtain on my own, without assistance for others. I have had to put up with going to a University that I am not affiliated with, research, photocopy, print, all as a guest, an academic outsider. And now I am in this awkward position of needing help in order to go forward, and it scares the life out of me. There are times when I wished I had access to a University, even though I keep losing my password as an alumni and I am beyond embarrassed to ask yet again to have my passwords reset. I guess I will have to get over the embarrassment. Maybe this is where I will start, my first step to asking for help with my writing, get my password reset at at least one University.
Asking for help, as someone who is independent is truly one of the most challenging road block to success in life and in business. I know that I am not the only one that feels this way. This weird time in our history has necessitated a need to ask for help. I have learned quite a bite about asking for help, and even though I am still a work in process, I know that I will get there, I will succeed. And I won't be alone. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts and concerns around being an independent creator.
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